This is it. i cant pay my rent this month. 12 days until they ask for rent. i have $1500 and rent is $350. i cant even just go out and earn some cash the same way as im used to, because noone seems to want me. i dont know what i did that makes everyone uninterested in me. im planning my suicide for the 15. i dont even have money for the supplies to kill myself. i cant pay for gas, cant pay for food. ive been eating dry ramen for days as water costs money and ramen is cheap. i see everyone around me smiling and looking forward to go home and chill with their gf/bf and play some games or something. i cant afford anything and on top of rent is water, electricity, internet and mobile plan. i have never felt so alone. all of my communication with the outside world is through a fucking discord and twitter. noone wants my services anymore for some reason and im suspecting because i look shabby af. i go home and cry, then i drink a lot of alcohol while thinking of how im inferior to everyone else im around in every way. its like wherever i look i see someone doing something better than me. im not unique or special in any way. im just under decent in everything. i fuck up everything i attempt to do because i suck at everything. cant even act nice around people and look decent enough for people to want to fuck me for like $30. i feel like im living the events of emergence in a very fast manner, you know? i start innocent, then the money from the whoring comes, then the drugs, the end of the fun, and the sadness, and then the inevitable suicide after everyone turns their back on you after you fall all the way down. everyone i know already hate me and noone wants me because all i do is cry and be negative. im not even a good friend.

mick 030417 628